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473; former director of the CIA Cathy or Kathy 920; beautiful R. who assists Gately in defecating Chang, Michael 389; tennis pro Chaos Theory and tennis, 81-82; "What if heredity, instead of linear, is branching" 220; 341; fn.34/994 Chawaf, R.-L.-O. Soma Cheap-O Records 129; in Boston Checkpoint Pongo 571; Cheers!

Brady-theory 232; Brando, Marlon 157; American film actor who ruined two generations "with their own bodies and everyday objects" 157; Brandt, Otto 32; janitor at ETA; "Submoronic-to-moronic" 873; appeared in Zero-Gravity Tea Ceremony, 874; Bread & Circus 478; organic, chi-chi grocery in Inman Square, Cambridge MA; shopping carts with calculators attached, 623; Brecht 944; compared to Himself Bresson 185; Parisan-French filmmaker compared to Himself; 944 Brewster's Angle 10; bricklayer 138; See also Glynn, Doony Brighton Fence & Wire 607; where Glynn Doony worked; Briggs electrode 470; implanted in brain to prevent seizures Brigham and Women's City of Boston Hospital 144 Brighton Best Savings Bank (B. Cantor, Georg 82; fn.35/994 Cantrell 410; early ETA prorector; and Clipperton in Yo W, 432; Carty, Gary 891; friend of Gately's with whom he'd trap lobsters "in the pre-dawn reek of low tide" Casey , William J. Christianson, Daphne 38 Chu, La Mont 112; ETA student; 328; confessing addiction to being a famous tennis star to Lyle, 388; 458; Chuck or Chick 531-33; guy who shoots guy who "made him look small" in front of his girl chyme 635-13: partly digested food passed from stomach to duodenum Cisne 264; ETA student CITGO 476; Claprood, Governor 576; pre-O.

I know you yourself have suffered these and your bit in your book is amazing, but without being nosy could you elaborate a little more on what you suffered. It is the memory of having these thoughts and the fear of them and trying not to think them that is keeping me thinking them!

Firstly anxiety is excess adrenalin, add this to bad nerves and this is why we feel anxious.

- SMR, 1/23/00 - 0.473 litres 222; one pint AA/NA clichés, 270; "the Gift" 273; Getting In Touch With Your Feelings, 446; "accept it on faith" 533; Powerless, 546; rationalizing, 555; is your Higher Power "omni-potent enough to make a suitcase that's too heavy for him to lift"? C.) 412; Anchorman's Bloat 147 anhedonia Anhedonia is the inability to experience pleasure; "You seek to vanquish and transcend the limited self whose limits make the game possible" 84; "it is often more fun to want something than to have it" 205; simple melancholy, afflicting goal-oriented people, 692-93 annulation "cold annular fusion" 64; annular hyperfloration cycles, 65; vicious circle of drug-taking and tennis, 67; "circle of arms" 69; "annularly overfertilized forests" 93; "firelight's circle" 103; "curve's classically annular shape" 150; "annularized Great Concavity's No-Time," 183; "cold-fusion ring" 185; "annulation equations" 185; "the ultimate annular fusion" 222; "some beastly post-annular scopophiliacal vector" 233; "subannular regions of the Great Concavity" 241; "annular-generated amps" 242; 306; 309; & Jim Incandenza, 502-03; and shame, 535; "the annulated Shawshine River" 561; 569; explained, 570-74; annular medicine, 572; Mr. mishap, 620; "concentric rings of pond and crowd" 622; Metallurgy of Annular Isotopes , 624; "his finger's annular pallor" 638; more concentric rings, 718; ETA's annular heating system, 870; "concentric circles" 891; Anschluss 1020; German: "connection"; O. I no longer bothered or cared what thoughts came, it did not matter, let my excess adrenalin make me think this way at times, its fine, was my attitude.Again it takes a little time, so don’t think as soon as you give the thoughts time and space they will disappear, have the attitude of ‘It does not matter if they are there or not’ that is always your goal.The trouble is the way we lived our lives before anxiety, we think if we think it it must be true or we might follow it through, in fact sometimes its not just the thought, it is WHY we are having them that bothers people.So this is the thing we need to address, understand why they are there and they become less scary and don’t mean as much.O.k todays post is something someone wanted me to post on.I do have this page on my main site that explains certain things but I will try and explain more here.If you do pay them loads of respect, investigate them, worry or obsees then this tires the mind furthur and it loses some of its resilience and thought seem to stick or race. We may have thought this way for a long while that it seems to have become a habit.But like all habits they can be reversed and they way to reverse them is not to be scared of them, what better way than allow them as much space and freedom to be there.Don’t go around questioning why you feel this way or wonder if you may carry a thought through, you won’t, again its just anxiety playing its tricks.I used to have all sorts of odd, obsessive thoughts and I just gave them their space and let them be.

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